This One Hits Home
by phalangesbyfive
Summary: Beckett and Castle deal with new feelings while a case traumatizes them all.
1. Stopped in Her Tracks

The last case hit too close, reminded her too much of her mother. To tell the truth, all of them had ever since Coonan. They all took their toll on the detective, chipping away at her sanity.

It would be a lie to say that Castle didn't help her during these times. A year ago she had admitted that she enjoyed having him around, and they had just grown closer since then. She was careful to set up a boundary between friendship and a romantic relationship, and he was sure to always push it. It was their game and they were experts at playing it.

One of their rituals after a particularly hard case was unwinding together. She got too wound up to go home with only her racing thoughts, so they would have a glass of wine and talk about anything and everything. Sometimes they would discuss the case, sometimes all they would talk about was the latest baseball game. Castle could talk about anything.

Tonight was no different. Beckett made her way up to his room, the elevator sliding open as she lifted her eyes from the floor, about to take the first step towards his door. That's when she saw the young blonde in Castle's arms.

He leaned down (she was shorter than Kate, something that made the detective smirk inwardly) to kiss her, giving her a final squeeze before letting her go. The bimbo looked upset, a trail of mascara broadcasting to the world that she was troubled.

Castle turned to watch his latest conquest go and was surprised to see he had a visitor. His eyes widened as he gulped. "Detective, I didn't expect to see you tonight." The surprise wearing off and once again all charm, he smiled and held the door open for her. She brushed past him without a glance, but she caught him muttering under his breath, "Not the first surprise of the night…"

Great, he had just gotten lucky and here she was to hear him boast. She felt her face flush in anger. _I was stupid to ever think he was different. _"She looked like a walking felony," she commented. He squinted at her, trying to understand the underlying meaning.

"I'm afraid I don't…?" He tilted his head questioningly but she gave no answer.

"A night with you can bring a girl to tears, huh, Rick?"

Not catching her reference to her previous guest, he grinned and said with a wink, "Only one way to find out."

She didn't even roll her eyes. It was completely unlike her not to acknowledge his attempts at flirting. There was no playful banter tonight. Something was _wrong._

He reached for her unconsciously, only realizing it when she pulled out of his reach and stared at the table, at the rug, anywhere except his eyes. "Kate, talk to me. This case…Are you okay?"

His voice was thick with concern. It started to melt her resolve, but that just made her angrier. She fought a battle with herself, trying to decide how to handle the situation. She wanted nothing more than to lecture him, to yell at him, to make him feel sorry for what he was doing to her…but _she_ didn't understand what he was doing. How was she supposed to shame him over something that was completely befuddling to her? _Why do I feel like punishing him?_

"Just peachy, Castle. I shouldn't have come here. I'll see you at the precinct." She had to get out of there, to go somewhere where she could sort through what she was feeling. It couldn't be jealousy. Over Castle? Never. He was just a good friend, a partner, and nothing more. But her churning stomach was trying to tell her differently, and that had to be dealt with privately before she could face him again.

"What? Don't go. Come on, I have some wine. Let's sit down and talk." He reached for her again, this time anticipating her move to get away. Catching her elbow, he gently pulled her towards the kitchen.

She spun out of his grasp. "I said I'll see you at the precinct. Goodnight." She was out the door before he could utter a protest.

He stood there, in the middle of his living room, without a clue as to what to do. The detective had once again shaken up his world. She couldn't go anywhere without having some kind of effect on him.

_What the hell just happened?_

* * *

Kate arrived at work early, hoping to delve into paper work before her annoying shadow showed up. She couldn't imagine facing him after what she witnessed last night.

Beckett, being the type of person who liked control, detested the way she felt after seeing him kiss another woman. It's not like she had any right to him. Nor did she want any. Right? She pulled at her hair a little and shook off the nagging thoughts.

The worst part was that he didn't even realize what was bothering her. Anger was easy to deal with when the other person knew why they needed to give you space. It was going to be hard to gain that kind of understanding with Castle. He would push her until she broke down and told him what was going on, and that was simply not an option.

She slammed down her pen in frustration. This was not the time or the place to be thinking about Castle for any reason. It was usually okay to think about her good friend, but she always had to be careful not to let her thoughts wander to something more serious.

She could sometimes get irrational when she was angry with him, which is why she had a hard time thinking of him as a friend right now. She considered it enough that he weaseled his way into her job...she didn't need him constantly invading her thoughts, too. _And my dreams..._

She shivered as the memory of her latest Castle-themed dream washed over her. Staring off into the distance, she indulged herself in a more pleasant type of thought.

"Hey." Speak of the devil...

The unsuspecting detective nearly jumped out of her skin. "Castle?" Her fantasies mixed with reality for a moment, causing confusion.

He didn't look like he got much sleep. His normally cheerful eyes now had bags under them and no sparkle of mischief. His clothes were rumpled, too. Something had certainly kept him up, and it didn't look like it was the same thing that plagued her sleep.

Beckett snapped out of it. Before he could respond, she was angry again. "You look like shit." There was no joking in her tone.

"I feel like it, too." He sat down in his chair with a thump and turned his puppy dog eyes to her. He was searching for some piece of sympathy or concern, but it was obvious he found none when his eyes got even droopier.

She hummed an acknowledgment to let him know she heard him and kept her eyes trained on the computer screen. Give him an inch and he'd take a mile: that's what she'd learned in the span of their partnership. There was no way she was going to even hint that she cared what was shaking his happy disposition.

Truthfully, she did care, but anger overpowered it for the time being.

"Kate..." He leaned forward. "Look at me, please?" His pleading voice was enough to tug at her heart, but she thought of the bimbo she'd seen him with and maintained her self-control.

Still not looking at him, she mumbled, "This is going to be a long, boring day full of paperwork. You might want to get out while you can." He easily picked up that it wasn't just a friendly suggestion.

"I was worried about you last night. You acted like the old Kate: the one who never let me help out or leaned on me."

She closed her eyes for a long second and finally faced him, swiveling her chair and taking a deep breath. "I don't need to 'lean' on you, Castle. I can take care of myself. Now, go home. There is no new case to work on and your assistance is not needed today." She picked her abused pen back up and began to fill out another form.

He felt as thought he'd been slapped. That cold, distant tone ripped through to his core.

He was wrong; she was worse than the old Kate. He didn't even recognize her right now.

* * *

_Hey guys, this is my latest venture in the Castle fandom! I'm going to try really hard to make this story worth a read. I already have the next chapter planned out, so I should be able to update shortly. I won't wait as long between updates as I did with Tease. I'm also going to try my hand at making longer chapters for this story. This will probably be the shortest one._

_Reviews are appreciated =P_


	2. Unwelcome

Castle arrived at his home with every intention of heading straight to his room for a really long nap. He was too emotionally drained to even attempt writing, and guitar hero wouldn't do the trick at cheering him up this time.

"Don't you dare!" Alexis was warding off Martha with a coat hanger when he walked in, a couch separating their tensed bodies.

"You _will_ obey me!!" A violent rage darkened her eyes.

Castle quickly jumped between them and held them apart with his outstretched arms. "What the hell is going on here!?" The two of them relaxed instantly and smiled at him innocently.

"Just rehearsing, kiddo. We must be getting good!" She took a moment to gloat and then asked, "What are you doing home so early?" Martha picked a fleck of dirt off her shirt and looked at him expectantly as Alexis' arms wrapped around his waist. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair.

"I could ask you the same thing. Generally, when people move out, they don't show up unexpected."

She gave him her dramatic eye-roll. "Chet is sulking over his latest fight with Leah. I came over here to rehearse with the prodigy granddaughter and get a break from that insufferable man."

Castle chuckled softly. "Insufferable? You must really love him, mother."

"What's wrong, Dad?" Alexis was still clinging to his side, and from that angle she could see how tired and unhappy he was.

He gave her a sad smile. "Our favorite detective is less than herself right now. I'm just worried."

Alexis released him. "You know how she is, Dad. She'll come around." She smiled at him with all the energy of a teenage girl and then said her goodbyes, grabbed her coat, and flew out the door to spend her spring break with friends.

"Well?" Martha stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for an explanation.

He didn't even try to pretend that he didn't know what she was waiting to hear. He jumped right in. "I don't know." He shrugged and let out a deep breath. "She came over here last night as Leah was leaving, but she left as soon as she arrived. Today she would hardly look at me and all but forced me to leave."

Martha tilted her head to the side. "She saw Leah leave?" Richard nodded. "Well, there's your problem!"

Castle didn't understand what she meant at all.

"Dear, Kate must have assumed that Leah was there to- you know." She gave him a meaningful look.

He felt like gagging. "Oh, no! You don't think...Leah is Chet's niece! That's just wrong! She was upset and came over to talk to Alexis, but she wasn't here, so she vented to me. How could Kate think _that_?" He stuck his tongue out in disgust and shook the idea off.

"You and I know that she wasn't here for that, but Beckett has no way of knowing that. The poor woman is jealous, Richard."

"That's ridiculous. She saw me hug Leah and just jumped to that conclusion? Beckett would never be jealous of any woman with me. She'd feel lucky that it wasn't her." As he said it, he found himself hoping that wasn't true. The detective was not just a friend to him.

"Jealousy makes women crazy, kiddo. Knowing Kate, she's probably very confused by these feelings. Talk to her, but don't let her know you think she's jealous. That would just make it worse." Martha liked to think she had all the answers, and while Rick would normally disagree, this time she was convincing.

The diva sauntered out of the apartment to go talk with Chet about his latest problem with his niece. Castle plopped down on the couch and thought about the same woman he always seemed to be thinking about these days.

Kate Beckett: no longer just a detective that he shadowed and bothered. She now had the title of best friend, as juvenile as it may sound. He could come to her with everything, and it had taken time, but she finally started to do the same with him some time ago.

It was routine for them to spend at least two nights of the week together outside of work. Kate had bonded with his mother and daughter. He hadn't pressured her to, which is probably why it was so easy; it was always easier for her if she didn't feel pressured.

With everything they'd been through, Castle knew for a fact that he loved her. He didn't deny it to himself or his family anymore. His feelings for her were just a fact. Besides, it was evident in his smile when he so much as thought of her. Denial wasn't an option.

He hadn't acted on it; well, not any more than usual. There was still flirting and attempts at asking her out, but she had always passed it off as a joke. He let her think that, hoping she'd eventually take him up on the offer when she was ready.

So could it be that now she was facing her feelings for him? Seeing him with Leah, even if she didn't see what she thought she saw (wow, what a brain-twister), made her jealous, if his mother was correct. He hoped beyond hope that she was right.

Castle could work with jealousy. He could work with anything as long as Kate wasn't angry with him.

His phone rang as he pondered what to say to her and when to say it.

It was Beckett. "Castle...you might want to get here soon. There's been a murder." Her voice was shaky and nervous; there was something more to this case.

* * *

A new case distracted the detective from her unruly and unwelcome thoughts about Castle. She drove over to the scene with the music up louder than usual so her mind wouldn't wander. All afternoon she'd either been fuming over what she'd seen, sulking because she didn't understand why the hell she was fuming, or playing her dream with the writer on repeat.

She pulled up to a nearly abandoned parking lot and walked over to the only other car occupying it. Lanie's head popped out from around the open door and she waved the detective over.

"What do we have, Lanie?"

"Female, young, maybe 17-19. Cause of death looks like strangulation, but I'm not sure what she was strangled with. These marks don't look familiar. Definitely not hands, though."

Beckett leaned in to look and gently pushed blonde hair back from the victim's face with a pen.

She nearly threw up when she realized who it was. As much as she'd wanted to avoid calling Castle in for this one, now she had to.

* * *

He rushed over to the address he was given, leaving a note for Alexis in case she returned before he did.

Beckett gave him no reason to worry over the phone, but her tone scared him. Plus, she didn't usually willingly call him to a crime scene when they were fighting; she was too damn stubborn for that.

He ran over the possibilities in his mind. He knew it wasn't Alexis because she'd texted him when she arrived at her friend's house. Martha was with Chet, and his apartment was on the other side of town. They had no reason to be in an empty parking lot like the one he was currently driving through.

He parked as close as he could and dashed out of the car to Kate's side. She held a hand to his chest and shook her head, pushing him away from the scene and walking with him a short distance.

"What you're about to see...I'm sorry. You need to be prepared." She looked into his eyes, committing them to memory while they were still vacant of pain. There was fear, sure, but they were still full of life; they still had that spark. She wasn't sure they would after she revealed what was in the car.

He turned to the car and strained his eyes. The distressed man would've run over there immediately, but he knew she would stop him before he could even take two steps. "Who is it, Kate?"

For once, Kate really did hope that the girl was just another bimbo conquest. That would make this easier for him. Something told her that she was wrong, though.

Grabbing his hand and entwining their fingers, she led him to the body. At first he held onto her tightly, even more scared now that she was showing affection, much less public affection, but when he caught sight of who it was, his hand fell limp.

* * *

_Hi guys! Updated as soon as I could...hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as you seemed to enjoy the last! Leave a review if you don't mind =P I'll add again soon!_


	3. Shattered

Lanie opened her mouth to give more information about the crime scene when she looked over and saw Castle's face. A single tear made its way to the corner of his mouth, but he brushed it away before anyone else caught sight of it.

"Leah..."

That's all he muttered. Not another noise or tear betrayed the stabbing pain in his chest. He knew that he could stay composed as long as he didn't look at the angelic and all too-familiar face again. _Never again will you see her smile_ he thought to himself, a wince alerting Beckett to his inner turmoil.

"It's the girl I saw at your place the other night, isn't it?" She gave his hand a squeeze, praying that he'd shake his head and crack a smile. She wished it was just a joke on her behalf, that he had no idea who the victim was.

But he nodded. It was a slight nod, the movement hardly detectable. He didn't pull away from her hand, though; it was his lifeline. Letting go would certainly mean getting lost in the abyss that was surrounding him, trying desperately to choke him.

Kate leaned into him and traced her fingers across the wet trail his single tear left. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, cupping his chin for a moment and examining his closed eyes. Even with his lids blocking them from her, she could see the pain they held.

His eyes flew open and he tried to grin at her, though it came off as more of a grimace. He cleared his throat, but ultimately decided that he wasn't ready to try speaking yet, so he shrugged.

"You can go home, Castle. We can handle this without you. The lot is pretty empty, so finding and bagging evidence shouldn't be too hard. I can catch you up tomorrow."

He startled her with an intense glare. "I'm fine. You don't think I'd be helpful?"

The detective took an involuntary step back. "That's not what I meant at all. You know the victim. I was giving you an easy out...you seemed upset." Lanie dragged Esposito and Ryan away to examine something on the hood of the car.

A glimmer of deep sadness transformed his expression before he quickly turned to stone. "No, I should help. You might miss something."

If there was anything Beckett hated, it was someone questioning her and her team's competency. "Richard Castle, I am calling you a cab if you don't go home _right now_. It would be unprofessional of me to let you stay on this case before knowing your connection to the victim." Her face was inches from his, the anger pouring off her in waves.

This time he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the prying eyes. Their little spat was drawing too much attention, though it was obvious the team was trying to give them some privacy.

"Kate, I need to help. Leah...she..." Another tear threatened to spill over. Before it could, Kate's hand darted out and wiped it away. She let her fingertips dwell on his temple for a moment, her compassion for him overriding her anger over his comment.

"I need you to identify her. That's all you can do right now. Either you can wait in the car and I'll drive you home in a minute, or you can leave now. I really will call a cab if I have to." His eyes dropped to the ground. "Castle, do this for me?"

He huffed angrily and stormed off toward his car. Slamming the door, he drove off without looking back.

* * *

Rick had many things he wanted to do in the long ride back to his building. None of them included walking inside with a sulky look and slouched shoulders to find his daughter standing there. She was expecting her father: the man that always had a ready joke and a charming smile. He couldn't manage to move once he saw her face.

Looking at her sweet, innocent face made his walls crumble; that was hard to do since he learned from the best in the past few years. He felt like a skeleton, bare of all that was necessary to function. The only thing he could manage was a step in her direction so that she could embrace him.

She ran to him, oblivious to the fact that it was not her father she was holding. It was only a shell of the man she called Dad. "You got home fast. Did you crack it already?" Her light teasing did nothing to brighten the shadow hanging over him.

"No, Beckett made me leave."

Suddenly aware of his rigid stance, Alexis looked up at him with curious eyes and finally saw what caused Kate to send him away.

"What's wrong, Dad?"

He held her hand much the same as the detective had done for him and led her to the couch. "Sit," he ordered calmly. Alexis scooted closer to his side as he joined her.

"The victim is someone we know, pumpkin." His pet name for her felt foreign on his tongue. A waterfall of guilt washed over him; he wasn't supposed to feel this way towards his own daughter. Shaking off the thought, he forced himself to make eye contact and continue.

"I'm so sorry...It's Leah."

One glimpse was all it took to change Richard Castle's world; two words was all it took for his sobbing daughter. He pulled her against his chest and rubbed circles across her back. Unable to soothe her with words when he couldn't even do that for himself, he whispered that he loved her and rocked her while she fell apart, keeping himself together for her sake.

His tears fell silently as he wondered if Martha and Chet knew already. Rick hoped that they could have a few more happy hours together before they had to deal with the mess that some criminal had made. _Why did this happen?_

* * *

Castle let Alexis fall asleep in his arms before carrying her up to bed. Her cheeks and nose were red from crying, but she looked like she was in peace while she wasn't conscious. He hated to think of the pain she'd be in when she woke up and remembered the loss of one of her closest friends.

Sleep seemed impossible for the writer. He longed for the escape his daughter found in his arms, but no one was there to tell him everything would be all right. More than anything he wanted someone to comfort him, but that was his role as a father: the comforter.

A knock on the door was the only sound other than soft snores coming from the teen's room. Castle softly treaded down the stairs and wearily opened the door to the sight of his favorite detective.

She held up some wine. "You look terrible." Without waiting for an invitation, she crept past him and got some glasses out of the cupboard. He found himself smiling; she acted as though this were her own home.

Catching the smile out of the corner of her eye, she silently swore in relief. She had been worried he would kick her out. It looked like he wasn't angry with her anymore.

"You brought the good stuff," he commented.

Handing him a full glass, she smirked. "I might not have the income of a fancy author, but I can afford a good bottle of wine from time to time, Castle." They clinked glasses.

Kate made her way to the couch and plopped down, tucking her feet under her and looking at him expectantly. "Well, are you going to apologize, or what?" Her voice wasn't playful or angry. It was soft with concern. He immediately felt tears fill his eyes to the brim. _How does she do that..._

He skipped the apology altogether. They both knew he was sorry. "Leah is..." He had to pause after saying her name before he could continue. "She _was_ Chet's niece. I met her back after he and Mother had been dating a while. She was really troubled. Her mom wasn't really a part of the picture, and her dad wasn't much good, either. She was with Chet so much that he was practically her father."

Kate rubbed his knee in encouragement and smiled at him. _God, she's so beautiful when she does that._

"Alexis and Leah hit it off immediately. They met at the engagement party -you remember, you were there- and were inseparable ever since. I think they bonded over the lack of a maternal presence." He chuckled, remembering the moment they met.

"That's right, I think I might have seen her..." Her hand stilled on his thigh as she sorted through the memories of that night. It was hard to get past the ones including Castle...she shivered involuntarily that that particular memory.

"Kate, she came over here the other night because she was fighting with Chet...Alexis wasn't here. We spent an hour just talking. She was such a sweet girl...she didn't deserve this."

Castle wasn't one to shy away from feelings. He embraced them; they were always a part of him, always driving him to do sometimes stupid but usually heartfelt and sweet things. Right now, though, he was struggling to overcome what threatened to drown him.

Kate pulled his head into her lap, not letting him resist. Her fingers pulled through his hair and she let him cry, feeling her own heart break with his.

"Did I ever explain why I was such a bitch earlier?" She felt him shake his head. "I came over here and saw Leah leaving...I could've sworn she was your latest conquest. I got so..."

"Jealous?" he finished, looking up at her and pulling himself closer to her abdomen, resting his hand on her back.

She grinned and rolled her eyes, not giving an answer. It did the trick in cheering him up a bit, though. Sharing those feelings made her feel foolish for acting out, and she laughed and mussed up his hair.

"I love your laugh." He said the same thing he'd said at the infamous engagement party of Chet and Martha, and it brought a blush back to her cheeks and a familiar shaky breath that was followed by heat spreading through her body.

_The party..._

_

* * *

_

Sorry for the delay! I didn't want to publish without Scarlet's input, but she's really busy so I had to =[[ thanks to AC for her input! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter...I have big plans for the next one. Tell me what you think? =]


	4. Locked in a Gaze

_You can skip over this if you aren't Carolina17 or Beetlebug  
To my good friend on her birthday, I just want you to know that I am honored to have you in my life. Your tweets brighten up my day, and I wouldn't get up until the sun went down if it weren't for your supreme alarm clock abilities. I'm glad to have "met" you. I can't really picture things without you now haha. I love you and hope your birthday is everything you want it to be. Oh, I also hope you enjoy this really late chapter =P I made it reallllly long. (don't even THINK what I know you're thinking...)_

_To my pea pod pal, thank you for the WONDERFUL help on this chapter. The music suggestions, the long discussions about plot, the support, and your seal of approval were all appreicated. This chapter wouldn't be anything without ya!_

* * *

Kate and Castle had been getting closer leading up to Chet and Martha's engagement party. They'd already begun to spend more and more time together outside the precinct by now, and the line between friendship and more was dwindling.

And then the night arrived. Guests poured in, seemingly nonstop. Kate had promised to stop by and help set up, but a load of paperwork from a recent case kept her at work longer than expected. She wouldn't be able to arrive until a little after the festivity had begun.

Castle sat on the bed in his room after he got the call that she would be late. His tie hung loosely around his neck, and his shirt was only half tucked in. He could hear people bustling around downstairs, setting up tables and a small, makeshift stage for toasts. The whole den had been cleared for the event.

He was exhausted already. The last few nights had been sleepless, and not because of the celebration. Being a writer meant that he was often plagued with descriptions, plots, and strings of the perfect words for his stories. Lately he'd been thinking about Kate. Everything reminded him of her.

He would eat breakfast and wonder what she was eating. He'd find himself writing Kate instead of Nikki in his books. His dreams were plagued by her flawless face. It was getting to be too much.

At last she was letting him in. The more layers he peeled off the Beckett onion, the more amazed and curious he became. Words wrapped around his sleep-deprived mind, words he wanted to whisper in her ear.

His once soft, silky sheets now felt coarse in comparison to her skin. He lived for brushing lightly against her, inhaling her scent and feeling her warmth. Watching her take sips of the coffee he brought her summoned sensations of her lips against his skin. He knew things were serious when he dreamed of being a coffee cup two nights in a row.

And what was _really_ on his mind? The fact that he couldn't keep it to himself anymore. He had to tell her, to see her reaction and once and for all know where they would end up. Tonight was the night. If she'd only show up already.

"Dear? What are you doing hiding in the dark? There is still a lot to do!" Martha poked her head in the door, taking in the entire scene before her, excluding her son's sour mood.

"Almost done getting ready. I'll be down momentarily." He flashed her a smile until she closed the door. Sighing deeply, he wiped his clammy hands on the comforter and made himself presentable.

Always the helpful and doting son, he did his part while his mind wandered to places the detective would shoot him for thinking about.

* * *

Detective Beckett was less focused on the crumpled paperwork than usual. She felt slightly guilty that she wasn't going to be able to help set up for Martha's special occasion. Though the woman had been married (and duped) before, Kate felt sure that Chet was the guy, though she hadn't met him herself.

Truth be told, Kate was jealous. She was a one and done woman, through and through. It hadn't ever really bothered her to be single. She knew how to relax and let loose (or her own special version of it) without being on a man's arm. The image had always disgusted her.

But seeing Martha beaming after a single phone call with Chet had slightly contorted her image of a relationship into something that seemed fun.

What was even more disturbing than her newfound interest in a serious relationship was that she didn't feel repulsed by the idea of Castle being the one to try it out with. She tried to chalk it up to the bond they'd formed due to being partners- as she now wasn't afraid to admit they were; after all, partners had to rely on and trust each other completely. It would be easy to confuse those feelings with romantic ones.

She knew for sure it was more than that when the mere thought of him sent shivers down her spine, when her eyes wondered over him and pretended his clothes didn't exist. It was involuntary at first, but then she found herself addicted to the thrill it induced in the pit of her stomach. She now let her mind freely wander to uncharted Castle land.

That's where her mind was right now when it should've been on finishing up important paperwork. It was taking entirely too long to fill out a simple section. Staying any longer was pointless; she gathered her things and headed over to the Castle residence half an hour after the party had started.

The churning in her stomach only intensified as her car neared his building. A feeling that something in their relationship was going to shift just couldn't be shaken off.

Oh boy.

* * *

She was later than Castle had anticipated. The party started an hour ago and the detective was nowhere to be seen. He fidgeted as he greeted guests, pausing frequently to wipe his hands, his eyes sweeping over the crowd in hopes that he'd just missed her arrival.

Nerves weren't a part his life since becoming famous. He had to attend readings and autograph signings for hundreds of people. He slipped on a smile and got through public events without breaking a sweat. Easy peasy.

Well, up until he met the aforementioned detective. His charms were ineffective against her past a certain point. They'd fallen into a comfortable routine, but what he had planned for tonight would definitely be opening some new doors. He couldn't be sure what lay behind those doors; hopefully it wasn't something that meant a bullet wound for him and a lot of paperwork for Beckett.

"Richard, dear, will you please get that?" His mother called out from her spot by Chet on the couch in response to a knock. Her fiancé was rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of her hand, all the while looking at her lovingly. It was enough to make Castle pause in his frantic search for a moment and remember what the evening was really about.

Then the moment was over.

He and Beckett in their place flashed before his eyes and vanished in the same instant. Damn acute imagination. Damn warm, fuzzy feeling spreading through him at the very thought of being able to touch her like that. He would be satisfied with just holding her hand.

Shaking off the wishful thoughts, he walked briskly over to the door and prepared himself for the uncharacteristically fake smile he had to put on. It was getting less convincing with every greeting.

And there she was. Fake smile was replaced by a very real – and loud- gulp. He felt his heart speed up into overdrive when the faint smell of cherries hit him and he fought the urge to pull her into his arms right then and there. Her figure in that black dress certainly wasn't helping his self-control.

"You made it," he finally choked out in a voice that could've easily belonged to a frog.

She flashed him a stunning smile. "I told you I would. Sorry it took so long to get here. Paperwork." _And thoughts I shouldn't be having about you _she finished internally. Handing him her coat and purse, she stepped over the threshold and took in the spectacle before her with a confused look.

Someone had grabbed the microphone and dropped what must have been at least their third glass of champagne. The woman now stumbled about the stage, belting out lyrics from The Backstreet Boys. Rather than trying to stop her, the group cheered her on with laughter and helped finish the lines she couldn't recall in her drunken state.

Kate let out a ringing laugh, her face lighting up. Castle was entranced with how a turn of her lips could transform her into something so gorgeous she nearly shone.

"I love your laugh." He didn't mean to let it slip out, but there it was. His admission hung between them.

She had no idea how to respond but with a small smile and a change of subject. "Your place looks much different tonight. How-"

He didn't let her finish for fear of losing his nerve. "I need to talk to you about something," Castle said barely above a whisper. His voice was still raspy and timid.

"What!" Kate shouted, unable to hear over the ruckus. Her brow did the cute furrowing thing he adored so much. Why did everything about her make him smile?

Leaning in closer, he said with more gusto, "Let's go into my office. We need to talk." _Just talk, nothing else. A mature conversation with hormones in check..._

They weren't dating. No way, no how. So why did Kate's pulse jump when he said the four words of doom? It's not like he could break up with her.

She fiddled with the skintight edges of her dress to avoid his gaze. He would surely see how nervous this situation made her with just a glance at her tense expression. Noticing her apprehension, he quietly led her into the empty office before turning to face her.

"Doesn't look like you've been doing much writing," she noted, attempting to put off whatever he had planned to say. It couldn't be good if they had to be alone. She felt like she was trapped in a corner, and her flight or fight instinct was teetering toward flight.

That was an understatement. Papers were strewn about the desk and floor, covering his laptop and several stray books. There was no way he could've been doing anything productive in here as of late. The deadline for his new book was quickly approaching. What on earth had he been doing with his time?

"I've had a lot on my mind," he said, answering her unspoken question. He tried to calm his breathing, pleased that he'd found such a natural segue into what he wanted to say. What he _had_ to say.

Beckett walked in a forced casual fashion around the room, trailing her finger along the spines of his books. She remembered each and every page of his work. Though she'd never admit it, she still got a thrill out of seeing the manuscripts. There was a copy for every phase they went through. A fan's dream.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I've been thinking about?" He prompted with a shy grin.

Not stopping her movements, she mumbled the question he was waiting for. Her eyes refused to go within ten feet of his direction. It was juvenile behavior, but she figured it was well deserved after what she had to put up with on a daily basis.

"You." It was a simple answer with not much explanation, but it's all he could muster up at the moment. She was intimidating to the man who was never turned down. She had his heart in her hand without even wanting it. Entranced by her pale skin standing out against the dark dress, the severity of these next few moments and words hit him in subtle waves: not enough to overcome him, but enough to unsettle him.

She felt her breath hitch and stopped in her tracks. There was a clearly defined line that she'd drawn, and here he was trying to erase it. Hell, he was running full force right past it. Could she have heard him wrong? The shock coursed through her from head to toe, shortly followed by a hint of pleasure. He'd been thinking about her nonstop, too.

As nice as the idea was, it was also terrifying and something she'd told herself not to even think about if at all possible. Thoughts of Castle warming her bed were welcome only because they were pure fantasy. Thinking of being in an actual relationship with him was still strictly off limits. Those thoughts could only lead to actions, and that had to be avoided at all costs.

The reason why was becoming more blurred with every second spent alone in a room with him.

He was waiting for a response, standing there with his heart in the open for her to crush or protect. Though she hadn't said anything, she felt her heart right by his, utterly vulnerable and beating in sync.

"Me." Her hand finally dropped to her side and she turned to face him fully. Using the same hand, she gestured to the two of them. "Us?" She was torn between wanting him to say yes and sweep her off her feet like in fairy tales and wanting him to say no so they could stay on comfortable ground. Kate Beckett was never a woman for happily ever afters, but _god _did this man make it tempting.

Castle seemed to be a few steps closer than before. She could now see the adoration and fear in his features as he nodded softly. His lips made tiny motions but no sound came out. He was at a loss for words, something that only she could do to him, and they both knew it.

She had to stop looking into those deep blue eyes. They sucked her in, seduced her, made her want things she was trying so hard to suppress. His chest was rising and falling at an accelerating rate, and she felt the urge to press against him and see if she could make it even faster.

There it was, the moment she'd been waiting for and dreading simultaneously. The silence was growing more awkward with every second they held in the extent of their feelings. Someone had to make the first move.

Castle took that literally.

Stepping closer to Kate, he lightly brushed his fingertips against her cheek to test the waters, inhaling the scent of cherries that was all too familiar. That line was getting left in the dust and they were about to rush forward at full blast. His proximity simply wouldn't let her even think the word "no". It wasn't in her vocabulary anymore, and damn did it feel good to let it go.

Words were his forte, but she was all action. Before he could speak, she found her hand wrapped loosely around his neck as she craned towards him. They trembled toward the ledge, ready and willing to take that next step.

"My dad has the first edition complete works of-" Alexis busted through the door with Leah following right behind. The two girls were still facing the door, unaware of the moment they'd interrupted until they turned.

"Hey, pumpkin. I see you met Leah," Castle said, rubbing the spot on his neck that was already missing Kate's touch. Kate herself had backed off a few steps and faced the bookcase again, expertly playing cool. Only Castle knew her well enough to know that she was out of her element and despising it.

Alexis smiled and nodded eagerly. "Gram introduced us. Did you know she's been to Greece? And she loves the classics, so I was going to show her your book collection." Turning to Leah, she added, "It's extensive." Her eyes flitting over to the bookcase, she finally noticed Kate trying desperately to blend in with the wall. "We can come back later..."

"No, go right ahead. Glad to have a fellow enthusiast in the mix. We were just about to rejoin the festivities, anyway." Before she could flinch away, he approached Beckett and pulled her out into the den.

The second they entered the loud, crowded room, the intimate mood between them dissipated. Kate pulled away from his soft touch on her back, clearing her throat and trying to put his words (or word, really) behind her. Not that it was much trouble for her to pretend something never happened; she was an expert at compartmentalizing.

She took in a deep breath of relief. Nothing had to be different between them. Whatever almost happened was interrupted, and Kate wasn't going to push her luck again. She had another chance, and no way was she going to screw it up.

Castle, of course, wouldn't let that slide. There wasn't anything he could do right then, but there was no way in hell he was letting Kate get away. If the look she gave him in the office told him anything at all, it was that she had feelings deeper than she was willing to show. Tonight, however, he'd gotten a peek behind her walls. If he was careful not to spook her, he had a fighting chance._ They_ had a fighting chance.

* * *

Typical of any bash involving Martha, many of the guests were drunk or well on their way within another hour. Before everyone was completely trashed, toasts began. Resulting from some tipsy proclamations of love and wishes of happiness, the room was full with roaring laughter. It was infectious, yet didn't even knick Castle's souring mood.

He was glad to see all of the important women in his life happy, however. Alexis bonded immediately with Leah, and Martha was clearly over the moon in love with Chet. Smiles didn't leave their faces even once in the span on the party.

Then there was Kate, who was studiously ignoring him. She walked away after the office incident and found Lanie and the boys, more than happy to leave Castle out of the conversation. He pretended it didn't bother him, but he felt a dark weight settle over his body.

At least she looked happy. To avoid him and be happy was one thing, but if she were noticeably unhappy? That would be torture. He admired her laughter from afar and half-listened to Chet's good friend make a toast.

"This is one hell of a party, Castle." Lanie had snuck up next to him and appreciated his startled jump when she spoke.

"Yes, well, that's Mother for you. Want to know how I know they'll make it? Their groups of friends are equally as drunk. True love if I've ever seen it."

Raising her eyebrow at him, Lanie responded with her usual attitude, "They aren't the only ones here with a serious case of the love bug."

Feigning ignorance, Castle responded in mock shock. "Why, Doctor Parish, I never knew your feelings for me ran that deep!" There was a sound of a loud smack and Castle immediately regretted his sass. "Well, sor-ry. I don't know what you're talking about, though."

Lanie didn't have to say another word. Her meaningful eye-roll and pointed glance in Kate's direction was explanation enough. "Don't mess this up, okay?" With that, she sauntered off to Esposito with a little more swing in her step.

He didn't have but a second of solitude before his daughter was dragging him up to the stage, silencing any attempts at an argument with "she's your mother! This is required."

A sea of faces greeted him from the other side of the microphone. Martha and Chet were still sitting among friends on the couch, while he could see Kate in his peripheral vision trying to play like she wasn't paying him an ounce of attention.

He turned so he could no longer see her, feeling the knot in his stomach ease slightly. Smiling at his mother, he began an impromptu monologue.

"I'm glad you were all able to make it, as are Mother and Chet. It is an honor to share my home with you in celebration of two such wonderful people. Seeing how much support they have is inspiring.

"As you all know, my father was never in the picture. I was raised with one parent whom was dedicated to her acting career. A lot of the time I was left to my own devices." Martha's smile faltered slightly at the direction this was taking.

He turned to face her completely, smiling warmly. "However, I have never met anyone in my travels far and wide who has had the love and close relationship that I share with you. Maybe I lacked some things the average child had, but it was more than made up for with the care you've shown me. It hasn't relented over the years."

He finally dared to turn toward Kate, just wanting reassurance she was listening. As true as those words were when applied to Martha, he meant them for her. And Martha's encouraging smile let him know both women knew it.

Kate stood off to the side, separating herself from the crowd. Even from across the room he could tell his words were evoking emotion. Her arms were crossed, holding her together while his sentiments threatened to pull her apart.

"I gave you a lot of grief over living with me, but I honestly miss your presence. Not only was it nice for me to have you around, but I couldn't think of a better person to be here to help raise my daughter." Another glance in Beckett's direction confirmed she was a few feet closer to the door. "I say that I'm not sure where she gets her responsible gene from, but I do know that her kind heart came from you."

With that, he rushed off stage without so much as a satisfying ending or goodbye, but Kate was already gone.

* * *

_Hey everybody, sorry for the incredibly long delay with this chapter. I'm out of school now, and I can assure you it won't happen again. Thanks for Scarlet Royal's Castle for the great support =] Hope you guys enjoy this extra long chapter and hopefully leave a review, though I really don't deserve it after all the time it took to update. _


	5. Wake Up

I believe it's been about 3 months since I've updated, and I'm terribly sorry for that. This chapter isn't a particularly happy one, but I tried to put just a bit of fluff in the middle. The next chapter should be better. Sorry again. Review to tell me what you think?

* * *

_"Spill," Leah commanded with a grin, plopping down on her friend's bed with a thump. She playfully threw a chip at Alexis, her warm smile coaxing the story out from behind sealed __lips._

_"His name is David. He's so cute." Saying it made her blush. "He sits in front of me in geometry."_

_"How's the hair?" After__ receiving __a quizzical look, she explained.__ "__The__ hair is _very_ important. Thin, thick, color? This is need to know information."_

_Alexis laughed and picked the chip off her shirt, fiddling with it as her blush deepened to match her hair. "Blonde and wavy. I just want to run my hands through it. And he's so smart, Leah. We had this deep conversation the other day. He can talk, and not like a normal boy. He's different."_

_Leah smirked and rolled her eyes. "They all are." She'd once mentioned someone she met in Greece, but no matter how hard Alexis tried, she couldn't get any details. She hadn't dated anyone since Alexis met her, which is hard to believe with the way she spoke about boys._

_"Who is he?" Alexis tried again, determined to discover what was causing such pessimism._

_She faced her with a mysterious and nostalgic turn of the lips. "Adam. I met him the first day in Greece. My dad promised to spend time with me, but he ended up working the entire time. Go figure." She shook her shoulders slightly to keep on track. "I went down this street, trying to find some shade, and there he was by the water. He visits his grandparents there a lot. We had a month together."_

_"And?"_

_"What do you mean, 'and'?" Now Alexis rolled her eyes. With a sigh of exasperation, she continued. "He made me feel important. Adam was really sweet, don't get me wrong, but he was also into some stuff that got him in trouble. When I left Greece, that was it."_

_Alexis knew how mature Leah could be, but it was also no secret that she acted out. It was her way of coping with being ignored by her father. The fact that she could so easily break things off with someone who made her feel rebellious made Alexis worry. It took a lot to scare her friend._

_It was obvious Leah was ready to drop it by the lack of a smile that was so much a part of her, but Rick passed along a strong curiosity to his daughter. "What kind of trouble?"_

_"The kind that could've gotten me hurt if we'd continued after the vacation. He's like four hours away, but we didn't talk."_

_"Didn't?"_

_She gulped at this, crossing her arms and looking at an important speck on her jeans. "Uh, don't. So are we going to paint your nails, or what? What color do you think David would like?"_

_Alexis felt her stomach turn at the guarded look in her friend's eyes, but let the conversation change into something less serious. There was no reason to believe there wouldn't be every chance to figure it out later._

Alexis woke with a jump, her clothes and tendrils of hair plastered to her with sweat. Tears had left dry trails down her cheeks, her swollen eyes the immediate reminder of her friend's murder. Monkey Bunkey had fallen off the bed where her dad had left him for her to cuddle with. Not even her childhood stuffed animal brought her comfort in the midst of the night. Not this time.

Deciding a strong, warm hug would be better, she got up and walked down the hall to her father's room, not even knocking before opening it. His bed was empty and still made, which meant he'd probably stayed up writing all night. It wasn't surprising; that was his way of forgetting the world he couldn't control and disappearing into one that did precisely what he told it to.

Trodding down the steps, her ears were met with soft snores. While Rick Castle was known for snoring on occasion, his tended to be loud and sporadic. These noises were quiet and unfamiliar.

Peeking around the corner, Alexis saw two pairs of feet hanging off the couch, one pair noticeably smaller and un-socked, something uncharacteristic of her father.

Beckett and her dad were on the couch. Snoring, which meant sleeping. Together. Kate's arms around his chest, holding him close. It was the type of embrace that made you feel safe and loved.

And in that split second, Alexis couldn't have been happier.

* * *

Three rings before an answer. "Grams?"

A bottle of what was probably wine fell to the floor with a crash in the background, an anguished voice calling out in anger.

"Hey, pumpkin." She tried to sound cheerful, but sniffles gave her away.

"What was that?" Alexis asked when she heard something topple over.

"Chet is redecorating," she explained with a sad chuckle.

Hearing her grams' voice was enough to have Alexis choking back tears. "Beckett's here with dad. They're asleep. I just wanted to hear-"

"No explanation needed, dear. Chet's just...well, Beckett was kind not to arrest him when she broke the news." More sniffles ensued, making it more difficult for them both to hold back tears.

"Leah didn't do anything," Alexis exclaimed suddenly. "I was reading about it and people are saying awful things about what she might've been into. That's not her."

"I know. I can't believe your father let you read those articles." Martha turned to Chet, covering the phone and scolding him for spilling wine on the couch.

"It's not his fault. I couldn't sleep, and the newspaper wasn't hard to find. It's awful, Grams. There are pictures..." She finally broke down at the memory of Leah's dead body. A reporter had snuck past the yellow tape, thinking he was informing the world and being bold. All he really did was provide nightmare material for the people closest to the deceased.

"Stay away from the news for a little while, sweetheart. Beckett will set them all straight soon enough." It was the first thing she'd said so far that expressed her true feelings.

The tears continued to fall silently for a few more minutes while they comforted each other until a loud thud tore Martha away from the phone, leaving Alexis alone with her despair and a promise that they'd see each other tomorrow.

More like her father than either knew, Alexis took a cold shower to calm down and pull herself together. There would be no more tears. She could mourn when the killer's identity was known and he was put to justice.

It was time to wake Beckett up. She couldn't be a hero while she was sleeping.

* * *

Kate slowly opened her eyes to light streaming through the windows and a man in her arms. Castle was facing her, his mouth drooping, giving him an endearing, childish look.

She wound her fingers lightly through his hair, tracing patterns on the back of his neck absently while she thought of what had brought them to this moment. Not Leah's death, either. Everything in their relationship leading up to this point in time when she woke up with Richard Castle and only felt happy; she was absent of fear and the will to run.

"Rick," she whispered with a kiss to his forehead. "I have to go interview her father," she told him, knowing the 'her' was understood. He mumbled something incoherent and rested his head on her chest, letting her heartbeat calm him while reality threatened to shatter his peace.

She wrapped her hands around his neck, content to let him be blissfully unaware for just a little while longer.

"Kate?" Alexis called from the staircase.

* * *

"Mr. Pomatter? I'm Kate Beckett. We spoke yesterday?" She'd come to break the news in the early afternoon, but judging from his reaction then and the confused expression now, she doubted he remembered vividly.

"Yes, of course. Come in."

She'd originally intended on bringing him in for some questions, but her first visit proved that he was more comfortable in his own element. It was important she got as much as she could from him, and that was difficult enough with him having lost his daughter only the day before.

He lived in a large, white home with columns on the porch, vines growing up the panels on the side of the house. The black paint on the shutters was peeling off and the yard was uncut. It had the potential to be beautiful if someone took care of it.

"I know this is a rough time, and I'm sorry to interrupt your day. I only have a couple of questions." He nodded and showed her to a seat, tossing a pile of clothes from it to the floor before sitting in a chair of his own.

"I don't know how much help I can be. I haven't seen her since a little after we got back from Greece last summer." He wiped exhaustion from his eyes in a vain attempt to conceal his guilt over not being closer to his daughter.

Kate found it disgusting how he was only twenty minutes away from Leah her whole life but hardly made any time for her. If she'd learned anything from the loss of her own mother, she learned that you never know how long people will be around. You have to make sure they know how you feel. You have to appreciate every second they're in your life: advice she herself had just recently started to take. This bastard should have been mourning every second of Leah's life for being absent, not after she died. It was too late.

Reigning in her anger, she asked, "Did anything happen in Greece, or maybe when you got back? Anything at all you can tell me? Maybe she said something over the phone?" Irritation showed through slightly, but he was too preoccupied with feeling sorry for himself to notice.

As if it wasn't bad enough he knew nothing about his daughter already; now she was gone and he had nothing to offer. Leah couldn't depend on him, and neither could this case.

"I don't know. She was hardly ever at the hotel. Leah always made friends easily." His voice was filled with the sadness tears couldn't show; from the huge loss or because it should have been a huge loss but wasn't, she didn't know. Still, Beckett couldn't muster more than an ounce of sympathy for him. It would be easy for him to get over; the guilt, however, would hopefully never dissipate.

"And over the phone?" she asked again.

"We didn't talk much."

Taking a calming breath, she asked questions for another five minutes before deciding it was a huge waste of time. She left, thanking him for his time only because she had to.

With Chet in no way ready to talk and very few others with the right knowledge, Kate knew that Alexis was the only one who could give this case the break it needed before it destroyed their family.

* * *

Castle and Alexis were sitting on the couch with a short stack of photos resting between them. They weren't anywhere near being the same thing as Leah, but it was all they had now. Kate walked over to them, propping herself up on the arm and running her fingers through Alexis' hair.

Alexis turned and wrapped her arms around the detective, sighing, letting her anxiety slip away. Beckett would know what to do and say; both Castles knew that without a doubt. Kate would fix it.

"Her father was no help." She held the girl to her and clenched her eyes shut, stilling the hatred she felt toward him.

"Chet knows more, Kate. We should go talk to him." He got up and headed to the closet to retrieve his jacket, but Beckett stood up quickly, loosening Alexis' arms from around her and heading over to him.

"Rick, if you go over there today, it won't be because of the case. I have this covered, okay?"

"No, not okay. I have to help. You have to let me help."

Staring into his eyes, it was hard to deny him anything. Usually lit up in deviance and impish plots, they were lifeless and pleading with her.

Not wanting to set off another tantrum while his daughter was around, she changed tactics. "I actually need to talk to Alexis about some things. You should go shower and rest for a bit. It won't take long."

He nodded briskly once and walked to his study, shutting the door and letting himself feel while no one was around to stay composed for.

Alexis curled up in her spot on the couch, biting her lip: a habit she picked up from Beckett, who was now pulling her into her side. They sat in silence for a moment.

"I know how hard this is," Kate started.

"Yeah, I know."

"Her father didn't know a thing about her, much less something that could help me find the killer. I couldn't get Chet to calm down enough to talk yesterday. I have nothing to go on so far. Alexis, I need you to tell me anything and everything you can think of."

She snuggled into Kate's side, clutching a pillow to her chest. "Where should I start?"


	6. Priorities

**Already brainstorming for the next chapter, so hopefully the update won't take long. I've been writing a lot lately. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

"Why don't you start with the last time you spoke to her?" Kate's voice was distant and detached, but she held Alexis close in an embrace that contradicted her tone.

There was a small sniffle before she began. "It was two days before-" She stopped, unable to process the last part of that sentence, much less say it.

Kate picked up on this and squeezed her hand. "What did you talk about?"

Alexis shrugged, the pillow wrinkling under her fidgety fingers. "We were talking about some guy." Before Kate could prompt her more, she sat up and distanced herself a bit before clearing her throat. "Really we mostly talked about me."

Alexis wouldn't look in her direction, and her body was facing the opposite way. Her shoulders were trembling slightly.

"It sounds like she was a great friend, Alexis, and I'm sure you were a great friend to her, too." She paused to let that sink in before continuing. "Was she acting different the last few weeks? Maybe there was someone new in her life?"

She was still sitting in an unwelcoming manner, but Kate didn't try to bring her back to her side.

She ignored the remark about their friendship. "No, there wasn't anyone new. She'd been acting funny because Adam was trying to fix things, but that's understandable. Things didn't end well in Greece, I don't think."

"Adam was the boyfriend in Greece?" She received a nod.

She turned and faced Beckett with red-rimmed eyes, her voice raising an octave. "She didn't talk about it much and she'd been so busy lately…I should have known something was up."

Beckett was familiar with guilt. She knew what it was like to blame yourself, to go over facts and twist them until it seemed like everything could have turned out okay had she done something different. It took her years to accept it was out of her control, but she still sometimes thought of what she could've done to stop her mother from being murdered.

She'd be damned if Alexis had to go through the same thing. She couldn't stop what happened all those years ago, but she could keep someone else from making the mistake she did.

"Alexis, look at me." Her tone was firm, and Alexis responded immediately. Their eyes met, and Beckett held hers there.

"This isn't your fault. You didn't kill her. The only one responsible for what happened is the person who did. You can't change what happened, no matter how much you want to. The only thing you can do is tell me what was going on that could explain why someone would do this to Leah."

Alexis rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath. "She started acting strange when she got a text about a week ago. I don't know who it was from, but she was secretive and shaken up. She wasn't the same after that."

"I can find out who sent it and maybe even what it said. I'm going to get to the bottom of this; I promise." Kate rubbed the girl's arm.

She needed to go look at Leah's cellphone records, see if the father's alibi checked out, and do a background check on Adam. The whiteboard had a few blank spaces, especially on the timeline, and she had more suspects in mind.

But what was even more important right now was being there for Alexis. Beckett went into the kitchen and called Ryan, giving him and Esposito the information she'd gathered. When she hung up, she helped Alexis off the couch and they both went into Castle's study.

* * *

Castle took his time alone during the girls' talk to think. He understood where Beckett was coming from. He just needed a damn break from all of the emotions. His own were easy enough to control with some effort, but it was exhausting to deal with everyone else's.

The time to himself did him some good, and he was in a much better mood when he came out.

"Okay, tell Grams I'll be there tonight. I love you." Castle smiled slightly, hanging up the phone and walking over to Beckett. "Alexis got there in one piece."

"Of course she did. Martha wouldn't let anything happen to her." She opened the fridge and scanned the sparse selection with an upturned nose. "This is a sad, sad sight."

"You don't know my mother's driving." He joined her at the fridge. "Hey, it isn't that bad! There are even a few vegetables in there." He pulled out a container and dropped it in horror. "That's not supposed to be green."

Kate laughed. "We're going shopping. Put on something that doesn't smell like your mystery food there." She pointed at the dropped Tupperware and pushed him toward the bedroom with her other hand. "I'll wait right here."

* * *

"Two cartons of ice cream are plenty for now, Castle. Put three back." Their cart was full of junk food. Beckett had allowed most of it, but this was the last straw.

"I can't help that everyone has a very specific ice cream need. Who am I to deny them?" He gave her a charming, sly smile and slipped one back in.

She pretended not to notice. "Come on, this will do. I'm not sure if your wallet will survive this outing."

He took the cart from her, putting one foot up on the bar and pushing with the other, zooming down the aisle. Kate straggled behind, not willing to run to keep up.

"You're such a child." As she said it, she couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see him happy and carefree again, even though she caught him frowning when he thought she wasn't looking. It hadn't really been long, but it felt like forever since she'd heard his laugh when it wasn't forced.

They unloaded the groceries. Kate had to yank him to the side and finish by herself when he insisted on making shooting noises while he treated the food like fighter planes. She scolded him, biting her lip to keep from laughing when the cashier gave them weird looks.

When they got to the car, Beckett tossed him the keys. He caught them in shock.

"You're going to let me drive?"

"Pick your jaw up from the ground and get in the car before I change my mind." She climbed into the passenger seat, rearranging it for her height.

Castle all but skipped over to the driver's side, sliding in and starting the car up. "Ice cream, gummy bears, _and_ driving rights? How sweet." He smiled less cheekily than she would've expected.

"Would you like me to show you what I think about the word 'sweet' when used to describe me? Your safe word is apples, right? I can be so forgetful…"

He gulped and the smile disappeared instantly. "Let's go drop this stuff off at my place and go see Chet and Martha." He pulled out of the space and started to drive, enjoying the privilege without showing it. He knew from firsthand experience what Beckett could do to a nose.

Her eyes widened. "You want me to go with you to see them? It's not really the best time to ask questions. That can wait until tomorrow."

Castle looked bewildered. "I don't want you to go as Detective Beckett. I think Kate's presence would be appreciated. Martha and Alexis consider you family." The 'and so do I' was unspoken, but clearly implied.

She was speechless. He'd told her before how important she was to them, but she assumed it was out of politeness that he'd said it.

All she could manage was a nod to show how touched she was.


	7. Small, Jagged Steps

Castle was at Chet and Martha's sink, letting the soapy water soak the dishes as he scrubbed away at them. Beckett was by his side, drying them off with a towel when he handed them to her, and Martha waited by the open cabinets to put them in their proper place.

Their chain helped them all work on auto-pilot, letting Chet and Alexis' soft comments in the background be the only reminder of where they were.

"You're a dear for helping like this, Kate," Martha told her as she reached up to put a bowl away.

Castle scoffed. "Glad to know I'm appreciated, too, Mother." He threw her a playful smile and continued washing. He'd been joking like this all evening, trying to bring some normalcy to the situation. All of them knew it was a front, but they pretended not to.

Kate rolled her eyes and turned to Martha. "It's not a problem. I'm happy to help. You and Chet have a beautiful home, by the way." She turned back to Castle, her eyes throwing daggers in his direction.

"Most of what you see was Leah's doing. If she wasn't out, she was here. She even has her own room upstairs."

Chet was showing Alexis photos on the couch, and she overheard. "May I go see it?" Martha only shrugged, knowing it wasn't her place to decide.

Alexis hadn't been in her room for months. Though the two were close, they hadn't been friends for very long. Every story Chet told was another reminder that she didn't know all that much about her friend.

They hadn't opened the room since Beckett came over two nights ago to tell them the news, and they only did it then to allow the detective to get a good look around. She hadn't stayed long – it was hard to work with a crying man standing in the doorway.

Chet couldn't even remember these past few days. He had been quiet at first, and Martha could hardly get him to eat the next day. Then he got angry. Several cheap vases were smashed against the wall, and he went through two bottles of wine before she could put a stop to it.

Now it was like the quiet after a storm. He was peaceful and receptive, but she could look into his eyes and see the turmoil within them.

"Of course. I think there are a few things up there she would want you to have," Chet answered, and he put down the photo album to lead her up the stairs, his stomach doing somersaults.

When he was out of earshot, Castle spoke up. "I think having Alexis around is good for him."

Martha nodded in agreement. "It's less empty with her here, almost as if Leah never left. Don't feel obligated to stay long, though, darling." She patted his wet hand and smiled.

He latched on to her hand before she could pull away, and stared her deep in the eyes. "I'm here as long as you need me to be."

Kate watched the exchange with a sad fondness. Her mother never got the chance to help her through a profound loss, but she'd been there for every break up, every spat with a friend, and every teenage meltdown. The scene before her brought back these memories, and she felt the strange urge to hug them both.

She resisted, though, already feeling enough like an intruder without barging into tender family moments.

Their hands separated and they went back to their chores. "Maybe you should go see a movie? I can stay here and clean up a bit, maybe look for some clue as to what happened," Beckett offered.

"That's a lovely idea. Are you sure?" Martha asked.

"Yes, of course." She smiled and accepted a grateful hug from Martha, holding on a second longer than she normally would have, letting Martha act as the mother she'd been missing for the length of an embrace.

"I'll stay, too." Castle put down his sponge and faced them, watching the show of affection with a quick, hidden smile. "You take Chet and Alexis for a movie. We can handle things here."

Martha didn't put up a fight, clearly appreciative of the distraction. Alexis and Chet agreed instantly, and the three of them left for a romantic comedy.

Beckett and Castle resumed washing the dishes in silence for a few minutes, each content to think without interruption.

Silence was never uncomfortable for the two of them. She'd quickly learned as they'd gotten closer that Castle used jokes as a way to keep things lively, afraid that a lapse in conversation meant the other person would leave. He was far more insecure than he let on, and he wasn't the only one good at reading people.

So, over time she'd shown him that the quiet meant more. They communicated in actions more than words, letting each touch and movement speak volumes.

Kate reached over to grab a cup from his hand, but the water made it slippery. He dropped it; the shatter pierced their silence.

Castle bent over to clean it up, swearing and mumbling.

"Cleaning up the house isn't going to fix anything," he said with uncalled for venom while Kate tried to help him with the broken glass.

She jumped in shock, not expecting his voice. "No, but at least they won't have to worry about it. There aren't many things you can do to help people in this situation. Bringing food and cleaning are two things that do help, though." Kate stood when she recognized his fighting tone, deciding to continue on with cleaning the dishes.

He watched as she stood up, anger bubbling at a fierce velocity. "What would be even better is if you could solve the damn murder. She's a teenage girl; I don't see how hard it could be." He threw the sponge into the water, splashing Kate with suds.

She stepped back grabbed his arm. "Don't attack me, Castle. You know I'm doing everything I can. I _will_ find out who did this."

He spun from her grasp and laughed in a nearly evil way. "If this were your mom's case, you'd have it solved by now."

The instant he said it, Castle knew it was a mistake. His eyes clenched shut and he moved toward her, reaching out. The anger he'd fell toward her now turned back against him. "Kate, I didn't mean it. I'm so sor-"

She stopped him and took another step back, using all of her energy to refrain from slapping him. Her stomach fell, and her blood boiled.

They didn't move for several minutes, Castle too afraid to open his mouth and send her into a frenzy. He simply stood with his jaw on the ground, mind racing to find something to say, some way to take it back.

She spoke first. "You're upset. You feel like you have to take on the responsibility of everyone's feelings but your own. I get it and I've been very understanding." She got closer, pinning him against the counter.

"That, however, was crossing a _big_ damn line." Tears built up in her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away. Any weakness she'd have previously allowed herself to show was no longer acceptable.

He touched her forearm, flinching when she jerked away. "It was inexcusable." Rick cupped her face, holding her close when she tried to pull back. "I know that. I'm stressed, but it's no excuse and I shouldn't have said it. I'm so, so sorry."

When he lifted her chin, she finally met his ashamed gaze. She bit her lip and smiled. Small and definitely faked, but a smile, nonetheless. "You're an idiot, but I forgive you." Or she would, given time. Her expression turned more serious. "Take care of yourself, too. And don't ever say something like that again. Ever."

She'd forgiven him and let him back into her life several times in the past. He had never meant to hurt her, and his mistakes weren't vicious. If it weren't for the current circumstances, she would already be halfway home right now.

He smiled again, trying to convey with a look how genuine his remorse was. His thumb stroked her cheek, tracing down to her lips.

Her heart was racing for a completely different reason. Anger ebbed away with each breath brushing across her face.

"Castle…" She knew what was coming. There was that feeling in the pit of her stomach – the one she frequently dreamed about. The one from that night in the study when everything had been okay.

Why the hell hadn't they taken the chance then?

She could feel the space between them dwindle, and her entire body was begging her to rid them of that last inch of air, and she couldn't stand to ignore it anymore.

Beckett's mind, however, was trying to ease away. They'd gone from crying, to fighting, to hugging and back since that murder scene, until she wasn't sure which emotion was which anymore.

Before she could decide whether or not she would protest, his lips met hers lightly. She should have pulled back, and she mentally commanded her feet to run in the other direction, but he was warm and she found that his lips healed what they'd just inflicted.

Water dripped from his hands, which were wound around her lower back, gluing their bodies together. It seeped through her clothes, making her shiver into him.

His tongue traced her lower lip, and he could taste the salt of her skin. She opened her mouth and wound her fingers through his hair, her pinkies reaching the back of his neck.

"You're getting me wet," she told him as he grabbed her harder; pushing her against the counter by the sink, water soaked her shirt, making it cling to her body.

He moaned against her mouth and stepped between her legs, their bodies as close as they could be. She rocked against him, and all she could see behind her closed lids were sparks.

"Couch," Rick whispered. Her body shifted forward so she could stand.

He yanked her shirt off and threw it over her shoulder, and it landed in the water with a splash. They took a step, bodies still impossibly close, before a piece of glass pierced her foot.

Kate pulled back and yelped in surprise, tears already forming. Castle held her elbows as he looked down and saw a pool of red crowding her foot.

Gingerly, he picked her up and carried her to the couch, handing her a towel so she wouldn't drip. Her breathing was even more rapid than before with the pain adding to the pleasure.

Grabbing a broom and dustpan, he cleaned up the glass, scolding himself for not doing it immediately. _Why couldn't he get through one damn day without feeling guilty?_

He nearly dropped the glass again when he stood and saw her leaning over on the couch with no shirt on, water still dripping down her back.

On his couch. With no shirt.

He _needed_ to go over there. The taste of her was still strong, and the reminder of her legs wrapped around his thighs was overwhelming.

Castle managed to toss out the glass and scrub the blood away without glancing back at her, but he couldn't stop his mind from going over their sixty seconds in heaven.

Calling from behind the island, Castle asked, "Has the bleeding stopped?"

Her voice trembled a little as she answered, and the cause was uncertain. "Yeah, it's fine now. I pulled out the glass. I just need to wash and bandage it."

He tossed out the garbage on his way over to her, trying and failing not to stare lustfully at her body. "Uh," he started, eyes overwhelmed by the sight. She was laying back now, one arm crossed over her forehead while the other kept the towel firmly in place. "I'll help you to the bathroom and grab you some bandages."

She nodded and sat up, looping an arm around his neck and standing on one foot. He could feel the warmth of her skin even through his shirt. He gulped and focused on the task at hand to the best of his ability.

Castle rummaged around the cabinets in the bathroom while Kate sat on the edge of the tub. She rolled up her pants leg, allowing the warm water to run over the wound, wincing as it cleaned her cut.

"Aha!" He walked over with a fresh towel and pulled her foot out of the water by her calf, carefully drying her off.

"I can do it," she asserted. Still, she made no move to stop him as he wrapped gauze around her foot and taped it in place.

When he was finished, he caressed her leg, moving up to her knee when she leaned back against the wall and sighed, perfectly content to let him touch her.

He was kneeling now, one hand tracing her jawbone while the other wrapped around her bare back. His nose nuzzled her stomach, drawing out a moan. She laced her fingers through his hair.

Rick kissed his way up, nibbling lightly on her neck. He made his way to her lips, meeting them once lightly.

He wanted to go further. Every inch of his being was screaming to touch her. His heart was pounding in his ears, and the trembling of her body under his was sending him over the edge.

Kate lifted his shirt, not letting her lips break contact with his own. As she felt the smooth muscles of his chest, her phone rang.

She didn't want to answer it. She didn't want to pull her hands away from his deliciously warm skin; her eyes said as much.

"You should answer," he told her, kissing under her ear. Her eyes rolled back, for once not out of annoyance.

He made a move to pull away, if only for the duration of the call. She wouldn't allow it; yanking him closer, she commanded him, "Don't stop."

Castle smiled and eagerly continued on his path to her collarbone, biting lightly enough so there would be no mark in the morning, but hard enough so he could draw noises from her.

"Beckett," she answered in her most professional tone. It was impressive given the circumstances.

"Hey girl, I finished the autopsy," Lanie informed her.

Kate pushed Castle away, her stomach suddenly not up for what he had in mind. "What did you find?"

"As you already know, she was strangled with a rope. We found a jump rope in her car that matched the ligature marks. I also found hair gel under her nails that would have been used on a male, but no specific brand. There were black cotton fibers lodged in her throat, so I assume he covered her mouth and she bit down."

"Crime of passion," Kate noted, more to herself than Lanie. "The jump rope was convenient."

Castle moved back more when he realized what the call was about, suddenly very preoccupied with finding Beckett a shirt. Experience told him cases could have gruesome details, but his conjecture was usually worse. He needed to get away from the one-sided conversation.

"Unless he brought it himself." Lanie's tone was almost joking.

Kate watched him go with a sad nod of approval. "I'll ask Alexis and Chet and see if they know anything about what she kept in her car. There was no DNA evidence along with the fibers?"

"No, none that I could find. Whoever did this to her was strong, Kate."

"If I find the hair gel and black cotton shirt or glove or whatever it was, would you be able to match them?"

"Definitely."

Beckett hung up and left the bathroom in a rush, limping as she walked briskly over the Castle.

"Here's a shirt. I'll wash yours and give it back to you." There was no kindness in his voice. He sounded withdrawn, and his body language was telling her that even a simple touch would break him down.

He'd handed her his undershirt, and she took it gratefully. Their fingers brushed, and he jerked back. "Did you find something out?"

She took a deep breath and let her eyes flutter shut for a moment, pushing all of her personal feelings aside. "If I can catch the man who did this, we have evidence that can prove it was him. I have a theory, but I need to go see Leah's room. Is that okay?"

He wasn't her Castle right now. He wasn't a partner, and he sure as hell wasn't a friend. He was a grieving, confused, lost man who wanted someone he loved back, but who would settle for the closure only she could give him.

"Yeah, first door on your right up the stairs."

He gathered up the bloody towels and her shirt, taking them to the laundry room and washing away any evidence of what had just transpired.

* * *

_I'm starting a new job next week and NaNoWriMo starts next month. I probably won't update much in November, but I will try to at least once. I will definitely be updating all of my stories once before then, as well. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as I made it much longer than usual.  
Softer's Castle music video "Secrets" inspired me to finish this, so thank you :) And thank you Andy for the chapter name._


	8. Not Alone

Lanie smiled gently at Beckett as she walked into the morgue and plopped down on an empty autopsy table. "Is it today?"

Beckett gave her a half-smile in return, playing with the fabric of her black dress. She knew precisely what "it" Lanie was referring to. "The funeral starts in an hour. I'm going straight from here."

They both allowed a moment of silence to pass. A moment to remember the body as Leah instead of a vic; for Kate to sigh and straighten her shoulders.

"I won't keep you long. I have my report for you." She handed over a folder.

Beckett accepted with an appreciative nod and then waited for the other shoe to drop. When none did, she asked, "Is that all?"

"I have something to talk to you about that isn't exactly related to the case." Lanie walked over to her and placed a gloved hand on her knee. "What makes you a wonderful friend is also the very thing that breaks you," she started, ignoring Kate's confused look. "I know you're trying to help the Castles, but don't let it take you down, too."

Beckett wanted to argue, but as soon as she opened her mouth, Lanie started up again.

"I know better than to try and pry you away from the people you love, but please take some time for yourself before you burn out. That's all I'm asking."

Kate subdued the urge to fight, knowing it was futile. She settled for moving on immediately. "The autopsy didn't give me what I was hoping for. All we know is the killer's male."

Lanie went with it. "What about that boy you were telling me about? You bring me his hair gel and I can match it to what I found on the vic." She cringed and corrected herself. "Leah."

Kate ignored her slip-up. "The boys and I are going to pay him a visit after the funeral. Castle is going to the precinct with Alexis to look through some texts and photos." _Today is going to be hell for everyone involved_, she thought to herself.

"Even more reason to take it easy," Lanie responded to her un-aired statement.

She nodded and sucked in a deep breath, letting the words out in a long stream that didn't quite sound like a sentence. "We kissed, and it was the biggest mistake I've made in I don't know how long."

Lanie tried to suppress her surprise with a gulp, keeping the bug-eyed look to a minimum. "Elaborate?"

Beckett hopped down and began to pace, frequently stopping in her tracks to add in hand motions as she explained. "We were alone in the kitchen and he said something-" she skipped that part and ignored the pang of anger she felt when she thought of it. "Then…"

Lanie got her voice back. "Are we talking PG-13 or R? I won't accept anything lower."

She gave only a hint of a smile, not able to shake the feeling that she shouldn't be laughing on a day like this. "PG-13 that really wanted to be R."

"I'm waiting for the 'big mistake' part."

"He's been unfiltered for the past three days, Lanie. He says whatever the hell he wants to me, whether it's sweet or just unbelievably cruel. He hides his pain, and then he breaks down. It was just another of his outbursts."

Lanie handed over the purse Beckett had been eyeing. "Girl, you just need to get through today. Writerboy will get better. They all will." She gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Kate gave her a genuine smile and squeezed back. "Yeah."

* * *

Castle hugged Alexis and his mother before silently getting in Kate's car, only offering "I'm coming with you. Martha is taking Alexis to the precinct," as an explanation.

She regretted not locking the door and driving away immediately after the service.

Castle wasn't in control of his emotions. He might surprise her by being calm and quiet, but it was more likely he'd do exactly what she was anticipating: lose his cool.

From the moment he sat down in the passenger seat, his fists continuously clenched and loosened rapidly like they were the only thing keeping his heart from stopping. It unnerved her how he'd taken on this near-violent appearance; his face red and his eyes bloodshot from what she guessed was a lack of sleep over the past three days.

Kate needed to make him understand that going with her was a bad idea, and quickly. It was a three hour drive there and back, so she was already looking at a long night without putting up with his outbursts. It would all be in vain if he scared Adam.

And since he was already freaking her out, it was a given the teenage boy would want to flee.

"We can't spook Adam, okay? What Esposito and Ryan found on her phone leads me to believe he's going to be the break we're looking for, so this interview is important." She kept her eyes on the road, the key still resting idly in the ignition. She hoped desperately for him not to take it personally.

In his head, he added on her behalf: _Castle, I'm sick of your idiotic behavior. You shouldn't have even started tagging along two years ago._

"If you wanted to go home, nobody would blame you," she prompted, waiting for a response involving more than a deepened sigh. "Or I could drop you off at the 12th."

That got him to react in a way that matched his aggressive demeanor. He abruptly turned and sat up, fists clenching even tighter than before. "Let me go, too. You've admitted before how helpful I can be." He turned a compliment into an accusation.

Her right hand left the wheel, a subconscious move to protect herself from his upcoming verbal attack. "I'm not saying you aren't, Castle. I'm just saying we haven't gotten far in the case yet, we need a break, and I'm not sure if you're going to be able to keep yourself composed." Her face softened, and she bent her head to catch his lowered eyes. "Are you?"

Their eyes met; the air stilled, waiting to see if he'd realize that he wasn't all right, that he wasn't ready to handle any more than he was already juggling.

He wanted so badly to fling angry words at her, but it wouldn't help convince her, so he took a deep breath and reached for the same hand he'd been holding gingerly during the funeral service. "Honestly, going home would be worse." She smiled sadly at his vulnerability and squeezed his hand, relating too much to his admission. "Just don't make me stay?"

It was a heartbreaking prayer. God, how she wanted to tell him yes and hold him, but she was too good of a detective – too good of a friend – to give in this time.

"I'll even sit in the car if I have to," he added after her prolonged pause.

Kate gave him a disbelieving look and a snort to match. They both jumped in surprise when Esposito impatiently honked the horn. Ryan waved, his eyebrows arched in question of why they hadn't left yet. Beckett held up one finger to signal she needed a minute.

Castle looked back at them and grinned briefly, and it almost reached his eyes. "Okay, so that won't happen, but I will stay out of your way and keep my mouth shut."

Beckett wanted to believe that he had the self-control, but she knew from experience that three days wasn't enough time for him to re-learn how to rein his feelings in, if he'd even known how to to begin with.

"I wish I could say yes, but I think it's too risky." She paused long enough to put walls up around her heart, knowing what telling him no would do to them both. "Your place or the precinct?"

Kate shouldn't have looked at him after turning him down. He didn't have it in him to hide the disappointment and anger, just as she couldn't repress the cringe. Did she cause him to make that look? She shouldn't be capable.

"Fine, just take me home since I'm obviously not going to be helpful to anyone." He crossed his arms and sunk down in the seat, fiercely refusing to watch her face crumple.

The urge to argue had to be ignored, though it nearly killed her. He wasn't in any way willing to listen. Any sign of weakness would be latched onto, and she was so sick of seeing him unhappy that she might just give in next time.

Screw one mile; Give him an inch and he'd take five.

"Home it is."

* * *

Beckett pulled up to a rundown apartment complex with graffiti covering every inch of brick and was very glad she'd brought Ryan and Esposito as back up.

All she had to go on to find Adam was a blurry picture from Leah's cellphone and an address she'd found on a crumpled up post-it note. Despite Alexis' recount of what her friend had said and Leah's personal testimony found in her diary, Adam didn't have a criminal record.

She circled the building as inconspicuously as possible, her partners only thirty feet behind, first glancing at loiterers to see if they could possibly be him. None of them were, though, and so she had to park and come to grips with the possibility of knocking on dozens of doors.

As she reached for her phone, someone tapped on her window. Her phone flew to the floor, and she instinctively reached for her gun.

Beckett turned to face the knocker and saw a middle-aged woman with concern written all over her face. She rolled down the window two inches to ask, "Can I help you?" Her heart was still racing, and her hand didn't leave her weapon.

The woman looked over her shoulder before answering with a thick accent. "Are you here about my son's disappearance? Cesar Galvez?"

Kate took a deep breath and shook her head. "No, I'm here to talk to someone named Adam. Seventeen, Greek. Ring any bells?" She picked up her phone and held it out to show the grainy photo.

"No," she shook her head unconvincingly. Her shoulders were hunched when she turned to walk away in disappointment.

"Wait!" Beckett called out. "You said his name is Cesar?" The detective pulled out a notepad and wrote it down, waiting for the worried mother to repeat the last name.

This time she faced Kate with more hope. "Galvez, si."

Beckett rolled down the window a few more inches and shook her head sadly. "This isn't my jurisdiction, Ma'am, but I can make a few calls to the local precinct."

Though she looked like she only understood half of what Kate had said, her face immediately transformed with a gracious smile. "Gracias," she said, repeating it twice.

"You sure you don't know of an Adam living here?" Beckett tried again. She wasn't one to ignore her gut when it was telling her there was more information to be had.

Señora Galvez sighed and looked over her shoulder once more before responding. "228," she murmured before taking a few quick steps away.

Kate thanked her and dialed Ryan. "Got an apartment number."

* * *

Castle answered his door before she could knock a second time. "You're back already?" was his greeting. He walked into the kitchen and continued cutting celery, letting Beckett show herself in.

"Yeah, Adam definitely isn't our guy, but we're headed in the right direction." She sat on a stool and stole a piece of celery, popping it in her mouth before continuing.

He didn't have to ask why she seemed so pleased; she delved into what she'd learned without being prompted. "Those angry texts he'd been sending Leah? He just needed to borrow some money to pay off his dealer, apparently, and he knew how much money Chet has. He had no intention of hurting her; not physically, anyway."

Castle put down the knife and looked her in the eyes. "You believe that?"

She was surprised it didn't come out like an allegation since she'd gotten so used to them lately. "He isn't a killer. A drug user? Yes. Up to no good? Yes. But not a killer. He doesn't have it in him."

He sliced some more vegetables and slid them into a pot. While he wiped his hands on a cloth, he sighed. "So, how exactly are you headed in the right direction?"

Beckett didn't miss his use of "you" instead of "we", but she didn't stop to mull it over. "Because we have his dealer's name. When we ran it through the system, we got a hit. He's been charged with multiple cases of assault."

He put down the cloth and moved to the other side of the island, sitting on a stool next to her. "What's that have to do with Leah?"

She had to bite her lip to stop from asking what the hell was wrong with him, because really she already knew the answer. He wasn't spouting crazy theories, and though it was unsettling, it was understandable.

"Adam has been hiding under the radar, so Doug Mitchell – the dealer – had to sniff around. Adam thinks Mitchell may have found out about his and Leah's relationship."

Castle stood, the wheels in his head finally working. "And maybe paid Leah a visit to see if she knew where her Romeo was. If she didn't respond appropriately, he might have gotten violent, and things could've gotten out of hand. That's why he used the jump rope: convenience."

Kate smiled brightly and nodded the entire time he spoke. "Exactly." She stood and grabbed both of his hands, bringing them up for a light kiss. "Castle, if we can find Mitchell, then I think we'll have the killer. Ryan and Espo are getting a warrant to search his place first thing in the morning."

His excitement faded in an instant as he sat back down, but he left his hands in hers. "It's too easy," he whispered, and he didn't blink for a full minute. "It sounds good in theory, but we could be completely wrong. What if Adam was just lying? He'd only need you to believe him long enough for him to get away."

She kneeled down and looked up at him, still clutching his hands. "Do you trust me?"

Castle nodded without hesitation, his brain not even aware of the movement.

"It's not Adam. Well, not directly. And if I'm wrong and he runs, we won't let him get far. I promise." She let go of his hands only to hold his face. "It's almost over, Castle."

A tear streamed down his cheek and caught on her thumb as she brushed it away. More followed, each falling faster than the one before.

"Please stay with me tonight?" he asked, but it sounded more like a desperate plea with his eyes still filled to the brim with unshed tears.

Kate sucked in a breath and pulled away slightly. "I'll stay for a little while longer, but it's getting late."

The timer on the microwave started to buzz, and she was the one to turn it off and remove the pot from the stove. "How about I get us both a bowl of soup?" She didn't wait for an answer before grabbing a ladle and doling them each out some.

He made no move to eat what she placed in front of him. "I've been an ass," he admitted while he stared at the steam rising from his soup.

Kate fiddled with the liquid, not arguing, and he took that as his cue to continue.

"You've been nothing but kind to me, and I'm sorry you had to put up with that."

She put down her spoon and closed her eyes for a brief moment. "When my mom died, I was a wreck. My dad was drinking and I felt so alone. I lashed out at everyone who tried to lend me a hand. It went on for weeks before someone finally had the guts to slap some sense into me."

Castle smiled faintly, his stomach doing somersaults. This was a side of her he'd never seen.

"You lost someone, so you get some slack. I understand better than most. You're a good man, Rick. I know you'll get through this, and I'm here to help."

His head snapped up to catch her smiling at him; there was no veil hiding her worry, and consequently nothing to hide her love. "So you'll stay tonight?"

The veil threatened to drop back down. "That's not a good idea. I'll see you tomorrow once we've combed Doug Mitchell's home for any link to Leah."

"Why isn't it a good idea, Kate?" _Don't you love me? You said you're here for me; prove it, _his eyes said.

Two steps and she was pressed tightly against him, her breath gently caressing his face before their lips met. Kate opened her mouth to suck on his bottom lip, her tongue sliding against his. He moaned in surprise but didn't kiss back right away.

Before he had a chance to, she pulled back. "That's why."

She grabbed her keys from their spot by the soup. As she kissed his cheek, she inhaled deeply and whispered, "I'll be back tomorrow. Sleep well. This is the last night Leah's murderer will be free, and the last night you have to feel so trapped."

* * *

_Today is a very special day. An excellent writer and a dear friend of mine is celebrating her birthday. Elfict, this chapter is for you.  
Thanks to those of you who voted for this story in the Castle FanFiction awards. I'm astounded that it won. And though I would really love it if you would review this chapter, I'd be much happier if you'd take the time to read some of Elfict's stories (Crossing Lines, Mistletoe Madness, Coffee, etc) and review those. She's incredibly talented, and I'm sure it would make her day._


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